Mysteries of the Universe

Here’s a question for you. What would you do if you had $137,000 lying around? I can think of a HUGE list of stuff to do.

  1. Pay off my house and my student loans.
  2. Go on a whirlwind tour of the world.
  3. Go to Antarctica (lifelong goal)!
  4. Donate a TON of money to charity.
  5. Start my own scholarship fund, wherein I judge essays based on whatever I feel like that day.
  6. Drink a cup of each kind of tea in the entire world.
  7. Eat nothing but the finest chocolate for the rest of my life.
  8. Hire my hair stylist to come over to my house every morning and make me look like a real grown-up.
  9. Hire my friend Nicolette to decorate my whole house.
  10. Design the coolest kitchen ever.
  11. Build a tandoori oven in my backyard.
  12. Buy my airplane hangar and stock it with motorcycles.
  13. Collect rare candlesticks.
  14. Start beekeeping.

…and that’s just the beginning.

You know what I absolutely not, sure-as-hell, never-in-a-million-years, never ever ever do? Buy one of these monstrosities.

It’s the Porsche Panamera Turbo, and even though it’s wicked fast and luxurious, it’s ugly as sin. And you know what? This photo doesn’t even begin to do it justice. One of the main issues is that it’s a four-door Porsche, which combines a proper mid-life crisis with the guilt that keeps people buying sensible family cars. If you’re going to have a mid-life crisis and buy something fabulous and fast and expensive, please just go whole hog. Get something fast and attractive. There are plenty of cars out there that will do this for you, many for a lot less money. And for cripes’ sakes, it’s a bloody effing station wagon. It’s mostly the latter that really disgusts me.

For some reason, I have seen these all over the state of Utah in the past week, and it leads me to these questions:

  1. Why are all these Utahns buying $137,000 cars?
  2. Why is the state of Utah granting driving privileges to people who, by all reasonable measures, cannot actually use their eyes to see?

This has been…mysteries of the universe…part one.

Love, peace, and I hope you can find something better to do with $137,000,

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