Jumping

This week, I received an email with the schedule for grad school orientation. For some reason an itinerary always makes things seem much more real to me. Up until this point, I’ve been conscious that I’m going to be starting school again, but this email really hammered it home, complete with the realization that I will have zero free time once I start up again. On August 20th, I’m starting work on my PhD. EEEEEK. To say that I’m scared silly and kind of panicking is really an understatement.

But…

There aren’t really many things I regret in my life (only one so far), and that one regret stems from a time that I didn’t take a leap of faith, the one time that I chickened out from something that I wanted to do. When I was in college, I really wanted to study abroad in Costa Rica for six weeks. And I didn’t do it. I was too scared and too comfortable in my silly comfort zone to even fill out the paperwork properly. It’s not really even a huge regret, because I’m pretty sure I’ll still get there someday. But it’s still a regret, and you know what? I’m not going to let that happen anymore.

I’m jumping into grad school in August. I am going to suck all the happiness, motorcycle-riding, sunshine and Sunday afternoon naps out of this last summer before school starts, and then I am going to study the hell out of that doctoral degree. You’re all my witnesses now! Don’t let me back out of this.

I’m pretty firmly convinced that the experiences not had are the ones we regret the most. The “I love you’s” not spoken, the trips not taken, and the times that we had a good retort ready for someone who was being a jerk to someone less fortunate but kept it inside our own heads – these are the things that keep resurfacing in our brains and making us a little bit sad for what might have been.

So even though I have a ridiculously long list of worries about grad school playing on repeat in my mind, and could spend my time thinking of ways that I might fail, I’m choosing to ignore all that.

(Please remind me about this blog post when final papers are due and I’m tearing my hair out by the handful.)

Love, peace, and temporary confidence in myself,
Sumiko

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3 Comments

  1. Diane

     /  June 23, 2012

    Always remember, my love, faith is an amazing thing to have as a companion through life. You do your part and God will fill in. I have faith in you. xoxo

    Reply
  2. Melisa walker

     /  June 24, 2012

    You are so awesome! I’m doing my Masters in Teaching and it is INTENSE!!! Good luck to you!

    Reply
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